Say yes to beautiful without paying the price.


While writhing in pain, nausea, and dizziness from a stomach bug last Monday, I discovered a few things in my bathroom. For example, the slogan on Suave shampoo is "say yes to beautiful without paying the price" - I'm still trying to figure out the ontological ramifications of that one. I also discovered that kleenex is an adequate yet ultimately unsatisfactory substitute for toilet paper, and that it's nice to have a clean towel to lay on in the bathroom floor. I also had a rather unpleasant review of my recent meals, conveniently thrown up for inspection:
• Episode #1 - that morning's coffee
• Episode #2 - more coffee, some pepperoni from the pizza the night before
• Episode #3 - a strange phlegmy viscous substance
• Episode #4 - a rather peculiar gray substance (gray? why was it gray?!)
The next half-dozen or so episodes were mostly just ginger ale consumed immediately before, which I drank just so that it would hurt less by actually having something to throw up. I also disliked the way that I'd wake up every 30 minutes from 3pm to 7am, and every time I'd think "Oh! Maybe it's morning and this is all over", then I'd throw up again. Fortunately, the vomiting stopped around 7pm. The weird thing was how my attitude changed with each episode, especially with an increasingly ambivalent regard to my personal cleanliness, and the way I wouldn't really be awake while throwing up and I'd start to drift off to dreamland with my head over the toilet, and suddenly I'd wake up and realize that it was me, and not someone else who was throwing up, and that I was the only person there. In retrospect, I think I'm going to design a headrest/kneepad combo for toilet seats. I think it'll sell - "Say yes to vomiting without the hard linoleum".

Labels: life